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To the Invisible Mom

Mother’s Day is just around the corner, a day where mothers everywhere are celebrated and honoured by their children and the community around them. The florist down the street from us said that Mother’s Day is her busiest day of the year. Flowers, cards, cosmetics and sugary treats are brought to the forefront of stores. I Love Mom, Best Mom, and #1 Mom are a few phrases we see on mugs, shirts and other merchandise.

While mothers are visibly being celebrated, my heart breaks for the invisible mom. The mom you see being celebrated, surprised with gifts and embraced is the mother who has children to hold in her arms. I’d like to recognize the moms who hold their children with their hearts, the mothers who have lost their children sooner than they ever imagined. For many, Mother’s Day brings joy and a time surrounded by family. To others, Mother’s Day is extremely difficult, a day that is a reminder of what could’ve been, and it hurts.

To the Invisible Mom Who Waits,
I feel your disappointment month after month, waiting for that positive sign to appear on the pregnancy test. You are waiting for your body to catch up to your heart, where you are already a mom. Your tears and frustration feel endless. Maybe you’re currently receiving fertility treatments and have gone through rounds of testing. The more answers you discover, the more questions form. I have hope for you, and pray that you will be blessed with a little one. Your little one, who is already conceived in your heart makes you a Mommy. Happy Mother’s Day.

To the Invisible Mom Torn Between Heaven and Earth,
I know it’s always difficult to answer the question “How many children do you have?” While you have children here with you on Earth, you ponder if it’s the right time to share about your miscarriage or stillbirth. People get uncomfortable and you end up having to change the subject to ease their awkwardness. Your heart is torn. You are grateful for the children you have here, and enjoy Mother’s Day celebrations, but can’t help thinking of your angel, the one that Heaven claimed too soon. You are a mom to more children than others can see. Happy Mother’s Day.

To the Invisible Mom Who Made a Difficult Decision,
I know you think of your little one everyday, and such a heavy weight pulls your heart down when you think back to the day of your abortion. You found out that the pregnancy was a risk to you, or that your baby had developmental complications that would not be compatible with life. You constantly think about the “what if” situations and wonder if there’s anything you could’ve done to change the outcome. Maybe you chose to give your child up for adoption. You knew that the decision to hand your baby into the arms of another parent would give them the best chance at life, even though that decision conflicted with your soul. I know you think of your little ones often. Happy Mother’s Day.

To the Invisible Mom Who Mourns,
You look at your child’s pictures. You cradle their toys in your hands with memories running through your mind. You hear their voice. You hear their laughter and can feel their touch. Today hurts as you watch others celebrate with their children who are the same age as yours would’ve been. You are a mom with your arms reaching up to Heaven, holding your little one as they reach down and remind you they are the reason you are a Mama. Happy Mother’s Day.

To many, being a Mom is when your children are seen. I’d like to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to you, the Moms who feel invisible. You are seen and you are loved, especially by your angel(s).

Will you share this post so that no Mom feels invisible? I post to Facebook nearly everyday and would love to connect with you there. 

2 Comments

  • Leeanna commented on May 7, 2015 Reply

    Beautiful! I teach kindergarten. Mother’s Day is hard for me. I was married for 20 years to a cruel alcoholic narcissist who delighted in telling our 3 kids that I was a bad mother. After he died 3 years ago when they were high school/university aged, I kept doing what I’ve always done…provided for them, loved them and did my best. I might as well be invisible. So last Mother’s Day I didn’t do a crafty present with my students. I didn’t invite the moms to come to school for tea, I didn’t even do cards. I ignored Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day I took my kids out for ice cream (I paid) and down to the river to get some photos of them which they half heartedly grimaced through. And on Monday, an angry mom phoned to berate me for ruining her Mother’s Day by not having her daughter make her something. I won’t ignore Mother’s Day again. I’ll teach my students to honour their moms. Mother’s Day is a tough one for a lot of women.

    • ecemom commented on May 9, 2015 Reply

      Leeanna, thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so transparent. Sorry you had to deal with that parent. Mother’s Day is indeed tough for many women. I’ll be thinking of you.

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