Tiny Bud

Tiny bud Who never got to bloom Firmly planted Uprooted too soon Like the breeze Against my cheek Gone before I could reach Like a sprinkle of rain Fall on me so I can feel Take me to the skies Like the clouds Swiftly changing My grief floats and hovers Planted in a season beyond time Blossoming petals of light The bouquet I delivered too soon * With Love and Light, Stefanie  

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Day 7: Your Motherhood Story

october15

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic. Journal Prompt: What does your motherhood story look like? Use the #thismotherhoodstory to share it with us! What do you want others to know about pregnancy loss? Today is October 15, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Though pregnancy loss happens to one four women, this topic is still not spoken about openly. After my first loss, I didn't share it with...

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Day 5: Helping Your Child Grieve

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic. This Motherhood Story Day 5:How have you helped your child grieve the loss of his or her sibling(s)? If you have not yet entered this emotional space, what wishes do you have to help your child grieve the loss of his or her sibling(s)? One aspect of pregnancy loss that I never considered was having to help my eldest through the loss...

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Day 3: Postpartum Depression

postpartum depression

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama, and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic. This Motherhood Story Day 3 Journal Prompt: Take the time to be honest with yourself today. Journal about what pregnancy loss was really like emotionally. What emotions were present during the loss of your child? What physical symptoms did you notice due to your mood? Use as many descriptive words as you can to share your experience. I stood in my doctor’s office...

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Day 1: A Letter to Your Angel Baby

miscarriage letter

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic.  This Motherhood Story Day 1 Journal Prompt: What would you like to say to your baby? This can be one sentence, several pages, or even a drawing. Take your time. This is your love letter to your baby. Whether you type the letter, handwrite it and seal it in an envelope, do what feels right for you. My Sweet Heavenly Babies, Writing words to...

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This Motherhood Story

thismotherhoodstory

We are one week away from October 15, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I’m teaming up with my friend, Liz, who writes over at Mommy Mannegren to help bring light this topic which is sadly still a taboo for many. I met Liz through A Little Light online community, where we were learning more about online platforms. The metaphor used was that our blogs are a garden. If we are the gardener, what are we planting into our communities? It was a really convicting metaphor for me. My hope is that I’m planting a safe place for all...

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I Wish It Was Just an April Fools’ Joke

april fools

Dear Friend, I'm feeling anxious today. Actually I've been feeling anxious for this past week. I've been trying to figure out why because there has been no major event, no emotional trigger, but life has just continued with the everyday events as weeks before. Then I lift my eyes to the calendar. I see the days of March coming to an end. March 31 was the day I prayed the hardest tear-filled prayers I have ever lifted to heaven. I cried out to the Lord, "No, no, no. Please don't let this happen again." Please do not let me miscarry,...

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Like I’m Gonna Lose You

like i'm gonna lose you

Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor and John Legend has been on repeat at our house, and in the car. Not only is our four-year-old singing this song morning, noon and night, she has also requested the Spanish version and alternates between languages. While she is actually learning Spanish from this song, she also has her own version of Spanish. (She also has her own version of Cantonese.) The first time I heard this song was while I was pregnant and it brought me to tears. The lyrics are so powerful and this love song really rang true for where...

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A Silent Christmas

silent christmas

It's common this time of year to over schedule ourselves between work events, parties with friends, and family gatherings. I absolutely love Christmas, learning about different traditions, starting new traditions as a family, the yummy food, all while celebrating our Saviour's birth. Before opening her advent gift each day, I read the story of Jesus' birth to my daughter. Since she's heard the story for one week now, I've started to ask her questions: Me: Where was Jesus born? 3yo: In a manger with the animals. (She got me there, I was going for Bethleham.) Me: What gifts did the wise...

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Happy Birthday, My Dear Baby in Heaven

I think that somehow with time it will get easier, this void, this pain in my chest, this absence on earth. Somehow I fool myself into believing that I will be OK, that these dates on the calendar will be manageable and that I will be functional. However, when I find myself alone and safe to feel what it is I need to feel, there is no fooling myself. It hurts, it aches, it wrenches. I miss the baby I will never hold, especially on this day, her birthday. I didn't have much capacity to write, but the following lines came...

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