Happy Birthday, My Dear Baby in Heaven

I think that somehow with time it will get easier, this void, this pain in my chest, this absence on earth. Somehow I fool myself into believing that I will be OK, that these dates on the calendar will be manageable and that I will be functional. However, when I find myself alone and safe to feel what it is I need to feel, there is no fooling myself. It hurts, it aches, it wrenches. I miss the baby I will never hold, especially on this day, her birthday. I didn’t have much capacity to write, but the following lines came this week:

No candles to blow
No face aglow
No cries to hear
No wish this year
No cake to smash
No cameras flash
No song to sing
No gifts to bring
No games to play
No, not today
No patters of feet
No eyes to meet
No love to hold
No stories told
No cheeks to kiss
Just the one I miss
No thing to fear
Because you my dear
Rest where angels sing
Freely fly with new found wings
I wish I could hold you close and say
I love you my sweets and happy birthday

Our three year old decided to celebrate her angel sibling’s birthday with a dessert from Menchies. We’ll be celebrating for years to come.

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