Diagnosis: Ankylosing Spondylitis

ankylosing spondylitis

I have been quiet here on the blog. I've been quiet everywhere, and I've been staring blankly at this screen for a while with a loss for words. A little ironic, I know. After 12 years of chronic pain, two years of tests, imaging, and waiting to see a rheumatologist, years of pain now has a name. I have officially been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS). In short, my body is attacking itself, and over time, my spine may fuse. The diagnosis has dashed my hope a little. When I thought the pain was just from car accidents, I had the hope...

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My Drug Free Battle With Postpartum Depression


During my pregnancy, my doctors kept telling me that I was at high risk for postpartum depression since I had been battling depression for the past two years. I was at my lowest point during pregnancy and it was a scary thing. My OB referred me to a psychiatrist and I continued to work with my counsellor, though not much real work could be done. Each session was basically to sustain me as I had no resiliency to do any deeper work. As frustrating as it was, those sessions were much needed. Less than twenty-four hours after delivery, nurses asked about...

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I Wish It Was Just an April Fools’ Joke

april fools

Dear Friend, I'm feeling anxious today. Actually I've been feeling anxious for this past week. I've been trying to figure out why because there has been no major event, no emotional trigger, but life has just continued with the everyday events as weeks before. Then I lift my eyes to the calendar. I see the days of March coming to an end. March 31 was the day I prayed the hardest tear-filled prayers I have ever lifted to heaven. I cried out to the Lord, "No, no, no. Please don't let this happen again." Please do not let me miscarry,...

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Like I’m Gonna Lose You

like i'm gonna lose you

Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor and John Legend has been on repeat at our house, and in the car. Not only is our four-year-old singing this song morning, noon and night, she has also requested the Spanish version and alternates between languages. While she is actually learning Spanish from this song, she also has her own version of Spanish. (She also has her own version of Cantonese.) The first time I heard this song was while I was pregnant and it brought me to tears. The lyrics are so powerful and this love song really rang true for where...

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My Little Princess Party Giveaway

my little princess events

The most recent birthday we had in our family included singing, dancing, story time, prizes, magical wishes and a special gift for our birthday girl. Guess how much time it took me to organize it? Five minutes thanks to My Little Princess Events! Like many four year old girls, our little one grew to love princesses, fairy tales and pretend play this past year. I can't tell you how many times I've been called "Anna" these past few months and told I'm the sister, while my husband plays the role of King or Prince. Our daughter often pretends to be...

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Tales from 2015


Each night after getting our daughter to sleep and finishing up the chores, my husband and I try to unwind together, usually over a treat that we've hidden from our three year old or a glass of wine. (I miss ice wine. Six more weeks until our due date.) I made a comment to my husband how it's been a tough year, that 2016 will be our year, and then I said, "I know I've been saying that for the past two years, but maybe if I keep saying it, it will come true." We both broke out into laughter....

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A Silent Christmas

silent christmas

It's common this time of year to over schedule ourselves between work events, parties with friends, and family gatherings. I absolutely love Christmas, learning about different traditions, starting new traditions as a family, the yummy food, all while celebrating our Saviour's birth. Before opening her advent gift each day, I read the story of Jesus' birth to my daughter. Since she's heard the story for one week now, I've started to ask her questions: Me: Where was Jesus born? 3yo: In a manger with the animals. (She got me there, I was going for Bethleham.) Me: What gifts did the wise...

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Happy Birthday, My Dear Baby in Heaven

I think that somehow with time it will get easier, this void, this pain in my chest, this absence on earth. Somehow I fool myself into believing that I will be OK, that these dates on the calendar will be manageable and that I will be functional. However, when I find myself alone and safe to feel what it is I need to feel, there is no fooling myself. It hurts, it aches, it wrenches. I miss the baby I will never hold, especially on this day, her birthday. I didn't have much capacity to write, but the following lines came...

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5 Ways to Navigate Through the Loss of Miscarriage

I post to Facebook nearly everyday and would love to connect with you there.

Thirteen months ago, I experienced my first miscarriage and it has been a whirlwind of a journey since then. There was nothing that could've prepared me for the shock and heartache I lived through, that I continue to live through. Next month will mark the due date of my second miscarriage. I cannot even look at a calendar in the same way. It is now filled with dates that are forever imprinted on my heart, dates we found out we were expecting, dates of our losses and due dates, which I now call my babies birthdays. The first two weeks after our...

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In Sickness and in Health

in sickness and in health

Last Thursday I woke to a spinning room. Even lying down and closing my eyes, I felt like I was in motion on an amusement park ride. This feeling only got worse when I sat up. Reaching back to tie up my hair made me want to fall over, and I hadn't even tried to stand yet. All the spinning and whirling made me super nauseous. I called my doctor's office and was advised to head to the hospital. My mom stayed with me at the ER until Brian arrived. I had six hours of continuous vertigo, spent an afternoon...

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