Day 3: Postpartum Depression

postpartum depression

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama, and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic. This Motherhood Story Day 3 Journal Prompt: Take the time to be honest with yourself today. Journal about what pregnancy loss was really like emotionally. What emotions were present during the loss of your child? What physical symptoms did you notice due to your mood? Use as many descriptive words as you can to share your experience. I stood in my doctor’s office...

Read More

Day 1: A Letter to Your Angel Baby

miscarriage letter

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month! This week leading up to October 15th, I am partnering with fellow loss mama and writer, Liz Mannegren, to help create discussion and raise awareness about this vitally important topic.  This Motherhood Story Day 1 Journal Prompt: What would you like to say to your baby? This can be one sentence, several pages, or even a drawing. Take your time. This is your love letter to your baby. Whether you type the letter, handwrite it and seal it in an envelope, do what feels right for you. My Sweet Heavenly Babies, Writing words to...

Read More

Praying For My Husband’s Life

ecemom

My phone rang at 4:16pm and showed my husband's number. My heart skipped a beat knowing he should be on his motorcycle riding home from work. He shouldn't be calling me at this time, I thought. I was hoping he was calling to tell me that he was leaving the office late. "Hello?" "Hun." "Are you OK?!" "I got hit." "Are you OK!??!?!" "Ya....." His voice trailed off to a groan. "Do you need me to come get you?" "The ambulance is here." "OK. I'll meet you at the hospital." ENTER PANIC MODE! I beat him to the hospital. My...

Read More

Enbrel Trial: The Tale of Thirteen Injections

I have been wanting to write for many weeks, but this medication makes me so fatigued. It's difficult to make it out of a dark room once I have put one of the girls to bed. The three month trial of Enbrel is officially complete. Last week I met with my rheumatologist. Accompanying me to each doctor's appointment is a list of questions stored on my phone. This is a running list of questions compiled between each appointment. I have a separate running note for every doctor. My memory is worse than it used to be and I really try to...

Read More

The Gift of Spoons

spoon theory

Have you heard of the spoon theory? Soon after my diagnosis of Ankylosing Spondylitis, I joined many online groups for support. I was confused when I read about people talking about spoons. In previous posts I have mentioned that I’m constantly calculating the cost of my day. Spoons is the analogy that those living with chronic illness use for energy, or the cost of each activity. Those of us living with chronic illness are known as Spoonies. After learning about this analogy it made me feel a little less insane. Some things I do to save spoons: - Load the...

Read More

Battling Chronic Illness

chronic illness

I have known that this day was coming for the past five months. Treatment started today. Last October I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis and at that first appointment with the rheumatologist, she let me know the recommended treatment is biologics. I was not keen on this treatment as it meant that I'd have to inject myself weekly. I had attributed my pain to being rear-ended three times and had hopes of it going away. While the motor vehicle accidents contributed to the pain and flares, a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease meant this pain was here to stay. As the...

Read More

Repurposing Time to Repurpose My Marriage

stefanie tong

Time is subjective. We all crave more of it, and try to pack as much as we can into the 24 hours that we are given each day. The minutes quickly turn into hours, hours into days, and soon we are measuring in years. It has been eight years since I vowed that death would be the only thing that would separate me from my husband. When we met, it took me minutes to realize that I enjoyed talking to Brian. Minutes easily turned into hours on the phone when we were dating. It was three days of phone calls...

Read More

Diagnosis: Ankylosing Spondylitis

ankylosing spondylitis

I have been quiet here on the blog. I've been quiet everywhere, and I've been staring blankly at this screen for a while with a loss for words. A little ironic, I know. After 12 years of chronic pain, two years of tests, imaging, and waiting to see a rheumatologist, years of pain now has a name. I have officially been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS). In short, my body is attacking itself, and over time, my spine may fuse. The diagnosis has dashed my hope a little. When I thought the pain was just from car accidents, I had the hope...

Read More

My Drug Free Battle With Postpartum Depression

ecemom

During my pregnancy, my doctors kept telling me that I was at high risk for postpartum depression since I had been battling depression for the past two years. I was at my lowest point during pregnancy and it was a scary thing. My OB referred me to a psychiatrist and I continued to work with my counsellor, though not much real work could be done. Each session was basically to sustain me as I had no resiliency to do any deeper work. As frustrating as it was, those sessions were much needed. Less than twenty-four hours after delivery, nurses asked about...

Read More

I Wish It Was Just an April Fools’ Joke

april fools

Dear Friend, I'm feeling anxious today. Actually I've been feeling anxious for this past week. I've been trying to figure out why because there has been no major event, no emotional trigger, but life has just continued with the everyday events as weeks before. Then I lift my eyes to the calendar. I see the days of March coming to an end. March 31 was the day I prayed the hardest tear-filled prayers I have ever lifted to heaven. I cried out to the Lord, "No, no, no. Please don't let this happen again." Please do not let me miscarry,...

Read More