Happy Birthday, My Dear Rainbow Baby

rainbow baby

Dearest Rainbow Baby, I cannot believe a year has passed since you have joined our family. Memories of carrying you are still fresh. When I close my eyes, I can still feel your kicks against my ribs, and your punches against my abdomen upon hearing your sister's voice. My dear Rainbow Baby, I have to admit it was a terrifying journey bringing you into this world. For thirty nine weeks while you were in my womb, I had a difficult time connecting with you. There was no doubt of my love for you, but I was so afraid of loving you...

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Five Parenting Lessons From My Five-Year-Old

five lessons from my five year old

It is true that the years pass quickly. Suddenly, I am the mother of an outspoken, creative, strong-willed little human being. Five years ago, little Boo made me Mommy. It has been quite the journey getting here. The journey has included a lot more grief than I ever could've imagined, but here we are, navigating the path together, and finding our way through this journey as a family. As a parent, I have always thought about the many lessons that I want to pass on to my daughter. All the disappointments I have faced, I want to spare her from. The tears...

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Diagnosis: Ankylosing Spondylitis

ankylosing spondylitis

I have been quiet here on the blog. I've been quiet everywhere, and I've been staring blankly at this screen for a while with a loss for words. A little ironic, I know. After 12 years of chronic pain, two years of tests, imaging, and waiting to see a rheumatologist, years of pain now has a name. I have officially been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS). In short, my body is attacking itself, and over time, my spine may fuse. The diagnosis has dashed my hope a little. When I thought the pain was just from car accidents, I had the hope...

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Teether Here, Teether There, Teethers Everywhere

wooden teether

For months and months we have been waiting for our Little Bean to pop out her teeth. Our older daughter popped two teeth out at six months. Our youngest sprouted her whites just this week, however, she has been very oral for many months! Everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING goes into her mouth. Things that our little one has tasted that her big sister never got to try: - Paint - Earplugs - Socks - The dog cage - Restaurant highchairs - Crayons - Sharpies - Dog food - Leaves - Lego - Toilet paper rolls - And today, she tasted...

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What is Postpartum Depression Like?

I've had this post sitting in my drafts since May. It has been on my mind for a long time, but one that I've been afraid to touch. I was expecting to come back to a few paragraphs, but this post was completely empty. The only thing I had for this post was the title. There is still a stigma around postpartum depression and often leaves me fearful of being misunderstood. I really didn't understand depression prior to living it. Postpartum depression and anxiety (PPD/PPA) is difficult for me to share about because I do still feel judgement. I work with families,...

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Chasing Light Book Launch

chasing light

It's hard to believe that one week has already flown by since the book launch. I'm still trying to recover! It's hard to slow down the pace and replenish in this high season of motherhood when I'm constantly needed by my little people. I finally got to look at the guest list today to see who had registered and who was able to make it to the event. I was pleasantly surprised by the support I received. From family, to friends, to support group facilitators, and health care providers, the room was filled with the village of people that kept...

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Motherhood Moments: A Meltdown in the Street

ecemom

Recently, I have been finding it difficult to motivate myself to get out of the house. I am bouncing back from a few weeks of low mood, so I know that plays into the lack of motivation. I also know that getting out of the house every day makes me feel better, so this week I have been forcing myself to get out for a walk. I pack up both the girls and head out to fill the time between my parents leaving for the day and Brian arriving home. Our walk is usually the crazy time of day when...

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I Choose Breastfeeding, and I Choose Me

breastfeeding

There have been pictures of mamas breastfeeding their babies popping up on all my social media feeds in celebration of world breastfeeding week (August 1-7). Breastfeeding is a personal choice, and many health professionals are very pro breastfeeding. I'm sure you've heard the saying "breast is best." With my first daughter, I really believed that "breast is best" and therefore thought that formula was poison. What kind of mother would I be if I wanted a break and decided to give her formula? If I was physically capable, how dare I not be available to feed her? If I had to be...

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Sleep Deprived Conversations part 2

sleep deprived

I first wrote about our sleep deprived experiences when Cray K was one month old. Well, the sleep deprivation didn't really get any better. Did you know babies have a four month sleep regression? Oh yes they do, and our kiddo hit her regression two days before turning four months old. There were nights I was sleeping in 30 to 60 minute intervals. My level of functionality is still minimal and conversations with my husband can leave us both guessing as to what the other is trying to say. Here's a look at our conversations and actions from our four month sleep...

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My Drug Free Battle With Postpartum Depression

ecemom

During my pregnancy, my doctors kept telling me that I was at high risk for postpartum depression since I had been battling depression for the past two years. I was at my lowest point during pregnancy and it was a scary thing. My OB referred me to a psychiatrist and I continued to work with my counsellor, though not much real work could be done. Each session was basically to sustain me as I had no resiliency to do any deeper work. As frustrating as it was, those sessions were much needed. Less than twenty-four hours after delivery, nurses asked about...

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